Hello everyone!

I figured I really needed to update ^^; I am really really sorry I haven't done so in a long time! I had my reasons!

I will try to keep it short because I feel really crappy and sick right now and I don't want to explain all too long.

All the rest of last year was good (Christmas, New Year etc). I am sorry but I can't explain why ^^;

Well, the most important news I have to say are that I have an apprenticeship now! It started on February 1st. ^^ In January I was busy setting everything for the start of my apprenticeship.

I am going to be a business woman for indusries or if anyone needs a bad reference: 'Industrial Clerk'. I do pretty much everything a businesswoman would do but the requirements are set higher plus they only work for indutries.

It is said that people acknowledge it as a normal apprenticeship, when it is not really (these are apprenticeships just offered to the people who are in my class, including me). The money I earn every month is little and people complain they are abusing us and such. It is, subtracting the money I need for my monthly ticket, about 200 Euros. But generally, I am just glad I have this apprenticeship and that I finally have a regular life!

I first was a bit lonely with only two boys (and one who was in practical training). Other people, who will become general businessmen / businesswomen arrived last week. Although I am going to be in vocational school from next Wednedsay on, I really love my classmates. They are all so great to talk to and they are so nice <3; Well, except perhaps for that one boy who arrived recently ( 2 days ago?). He likes to use sarcasm but he uses it at the wrong time. Although I am able to laugh about myself, when he makes fun of me, he hits the points I recently find it difficult to laugh about ._, He is okay though, I don't dislike him.

I wish I could tell you more about them but it is no use because names wouldn't help you understand.

I suppose that is all you need to know by now ^^;  am soryr again I updated so late! Please forgive me!

Until next time! (Hopefully soon!)

~Selina

Yosh, finally a new entry!

I had busy past weeks and I think it calmed down by now before Christmas. I went shopping with my sister to get my mother her Christmas gift. We got something but not precisely what we were looking for after we went to three of four possible shops. It was exhausting and took us a long time and we got to know by today that we had a wider broadband of choice than we thought. But since it still sparkles nicely I suppose she will like it ^^

My father's Christmas gift arrived in time too. I am not going tot ell you what it is as it would sound odd and it might give you a wrong impression of him.

I went to the mall quite a few times to get important stuff, one time to accompany my sister to get her new haircut. I also bought my siblings some small presents. Anna's birthday is today and I did her a drawing, well, I am not finished yet x.x I always imagine too much, so I was buy most days.

Fortunately, we also got a Christmas tree ^^ My parents intended to not buy one as it is too expensive to buy something that lasts for a few days only. 

On Wednesday a little drama about one of my cats took place. Well, Gizmo, the male one had experienced a violently broken leg in the past and now it was, Leonie's (the female's) turn to experience something that made us worry sick. I wasn't present when it happend but apparantly my youngest sister accidentally jumped on our cat and after that Leonie was bleeding heavily form her mouth and was hiding. She was aggressive and it was not visible what actually happened (my father said is cracked when it happened...)  but my mother supposed she bit her tongue. Later that evening I was told to see the vet with her as she was still bleeding. Seeing the vet is always pretty expensive and my mother was expecting the worst. I only saw Leonie once that evening and she was breathing noisily and it made an awful cracking sound of which I became sick.... T.T

So I went to bed and very early on Thursday morning I heard my father swearing and coming up the stairs. He entered my room and told me to see the vet with Leonie right away (It was 6:30 AM). She was spitting blood all the time he told me and that she wouldn't last much longer in that case...He added that she still made that awfully cracking sound when opening her mouth. I was shocked, even though I expected to find her worse the next day... I was told to sleep on (for 2 more hours to get up again) but I found myself almost crying and couldn't lay still. I got up and looked for an emergency vet in the telephone book but there was none (I was shaking badly because I was worried and scared) but at least I didn't nerd to see my cat spitting blood...A few hours later she was only sleeping (Every time she moved I twitched thinking she could just get up to spit blood again *shudders*). Right after leaving the house she was pretty lively and agile. At the vet I met an elderly pair with their dog and they were pretty nice and we were talking a lot until it was my turn. Besides from all that awful things, it is nice how ones pets can connect you to people <3

So..the vet examined her closely and it seemed there as nothing serious (no broken jaw like my father expected) but her swollen tongue...She got some medicine against her pain and we (My brother and me) could get home and only had to get back if she still spitted blood or wasn't eating but thankfully, nothing of this was the case. She seems totally fine, something like that before Christmas..really... *sighs relieved* I am just so glad she is still fine!  

I think I am going to bake cookies tomorrow...

Besides:

Merry Christmas everyone!

Yosh, finally an entry again! I am sorry it took me so long!

Due to my practical trainig, I hardly had any free time within the week or to be more exact, I was so tired I was unable to do anything ^^;

So...my practical training ended on Friday. It was kind of sad though, I finally got closer to most of the people also due to an event on Thursday, November 30 on a castle. We were brought back to the middle ages to put it like that, even received fitting clothes and had to handle bow and arrow or play the trumpet xD It was very funny ( Nice food too), we even got our hand washed in rose water *-* It smelled so good! The only thing I didn't consider funny was the fact we left very late, after 11:00 PM and because the bus took so long, I arrived home late.

And that next day I had a job interview at a hospital. That is all I will mention o.o;

On Saturday, December 2, I finally met my classmates again in front of my old school, after 6 months. We were told to meet up there so we would receive our photos from the prom and some money that was left from the general budget. Well, I actually didn't get to see most of my friends but one close one, and she only greeted me with 'Na?'. Then one of my classmates, the only one, asked me what I was doing and when I told her about my practical training, all I got was a 'I told you'. In a sarcastic way, because she thinks I wasn't bothering trying to find an apprenticeship. Because I took my sister with me, I received what I was supposed to and left, no one really missed me anyway ^^; It was a miracle they even remembered my name.

*sighs* To more recent things, Christmas is coming closer o.o I already feel Christmas Spirited, I don't really know why. Perhaps because the light arrangement here at home is so Christmas-like already. Plus, I still have to buy my mother's Christmas gift. I want to go to the city with my sister Anna on Thursday, if possible. And I also want to go to a Christmas fair at night, because the lights are so beautiful and give a nice atmosphere <3 It feels like this year is going to be a great Christmas! o^-^o

Yeah, that would be all for now, I think x.x I am sorry it is so messy >_< Until next time!

Hello again!

Ah, I know it took me a long long time to update again, Iam sorry about that ^^;

So..I started my practical training on October 16, a few days after my last update on my blog. I actually intended to update on the same day to talk about my first impression and stuff but it never came to that ^^; I have been half dead the whole first week I worked there because it was so long ago I worked so much. I start around 8:30 AM and finish work at 4:00 PM, if everything is going well. I get up at 6:15 AM every morning because I have to leave so early, it takes me over an hour to get to work by feet, train, streetcar and bus =o Every day is a whole new adventure. Although it is pretty exhausting because I get home much later after I finished (I mostly miss the train) Iam really happy with the way it is. This is actually the last week I do my practical training in but I hope I can do longer. I feel really happy with this situation ^^

My problem with not updating in such a long time was that I was mostly tired when I came home and that I have about 2 hours online time here before I go to bed again (Around 10:00PM) so I hardly feel like doing anything but listening to music. ^^; For a few days, I feel quite miserable concerning my health. I have some problems in my mouth and I feel great pain speaking, chewing, eating, drinking and whatsoever. I can't even treat this pain ;_; I hope it will be over soon..

So..about the work itself and the people who work there: I work at 'NetCologne' an intenet and telephone provider. Specifically I work at the section where those people are taken care of who won't pay their bills. I do several things like searching for files or close down files. I also do several things with money which scares me a bit of the mistakes I could possibly do there T-T By now, I can work indepently quite well, just proved it recently because I just mastered two days on my own o^-^o The people are really nice and 'close' here, Iam not sure how to describe it any other way than 'close'. Although I barely know their names they earn my sympathy and Iam glad I got to know them somehow. Everyone greets each other and such. But well, Iam happy with the way it is o^-^o

With this new situation, although I have not any money to spend in myself, Iam more mobile than before and I feel like travelling because I have a vald ticket to do so xp; So does Anna. With the little money I have and the more money she has, we planned  a nice and special Christmas gift for our parents. Something they probably won't get ever again in their life, it is expensive but it sounds good. I most likely will spend all my money on this but Iam glad I can give it to them <3

I personally look forward to Christmas already. I know it is so early to say that but I feel this will be more affectionate than usual ^^

So..this was the update o.o

Until next time!

P.S: I miss Yuffie and Inochi :_;

 Hello everyone! o.o

I never thought it would take me that long to ever do an update. I thought it wouldn't be worth updating when all I did was being at home, doing applications and waiting for any replies. I have never felt this tortured in my life ^^; I felt lke I kept falling and falling. I am not exaggerating when I say I cried every day. I usually am not this pessimiistic but well, what was I supposed to think when I have been searching for over 4 months and only get refused and scolded no matter how hard I work? But...enough of that.

So..I finally have something to do. My mother once met our neighbour and well, it happened that one of his friends offered me a practical training is his company. So..I will start there next week but Iam really glad ^^ I won't stay at home any longer and I will gather experience in there. They will give me a certificate when Iam done and it gives me lots of better chances to get an apprenticeship ^^ My direction changed though. I would become something like a businesswoman. Well, I have lots of chances there ^^;  I guess it is nomal that the kind of work you dream of would be hard to get ^^; But I feel relieved now, Iam so glad! It feels like luck is returning to me o^-^o

So...I will leave it at that for this time. I hope that was okay to read o-o; Iam sorry if it was boring ^^;

It wasn't only hard to wait because I waited for this letter. It was also hard because I waited for something else too. I waited for the birthday present my boyfriend promised to send to me. Nothing ever arrived any day, but everyone else got something. It drove me crazy. I was so upset and after a few days I got the idea he never sent anything. So I didn't come online for a few days so I could just calm my mind down from the stress online (Yes, I indeed have that too) and did some nice things to relax a little.

So I asked my sister to tell him to send the gift to me and he complained that I 'never came online'. And he added that if I 'didn't feel like coming online', he wouldn't 'feel like sending something in the post'. I sent him a PM, etc and all he said was '~Too lazy to send something in the post.' Now Iam sitting here crying my eyes out. Damn, it is not like I would let you do that to me again because I have my dignity. You promised so often to send something, like the teddybear you won at the fair, which I never got to see. And now my birthday gift, something that can't be compared to the stress I bear. That is the least I deserve. You got something from me too, no matter how you have been.

Iam crying because I don't understand how you can become the same over and over again. It hurts that you don't care about me and the way I feel, that you are not interested in any action I could take. You only become mad when I do things you dislike like now, posting about it in my blog. I don't care. It is my blog and I can say what I want in here. What is so bad about it anyway. At least I update it.

I guess I feel a little better now...

I know I just complained about it recently. but I just have to get it off my chest.

 *cries badly* I can't bear the stress of waiting for this letter and its most likely containing refusal. Iam no good at talking abour myself unless I study for it like for an oral exam...I can't stand it. The pressure is too big, I just want it to be over. I don't want to be scolded, be bothered about it all the time...It effects my whole life, I just can't enjoy anything the way it is. My happiness is gone, everything reminds me of this bothersome matter. It depresses me so much... My inspiration is gone for the time being, when it shouldn't because I worked on an important drawing to someone...

Every time I told my mother I didn't want to be scolded she just complained about the mistakes I did when I hoped she would understand. It is not like I enjoy being scolded, yet she talks as if I did. She also talks as if I could wave a magic wand and everything would go the way it should, just if I wanted to...It is not, of course. I thank everybody a lot who ever read my complaints and wished me luck on it ever since, I hope it helped. *wipes tears away*

I hope they will even send me an answer when they refuse me , I suddenly got the idea they wouldn't...I just hope everything will go fine..

Iam sorry for anyone who had to read this. Iam just human, so...

Yes, I know it is long ago I updated but late is better than never updating, right? ^^; Well, here Iam again ^^

On Monday. August 14 I turned 20. I know, Iam old now! 0.0 I Thank everybody dearly who congratulated me to my birthday ^^ That is enough of a gift to me ^^ As to my family, my mother gave me a set of towels in orange / Orange-brown ^^ Yes, that is right, I got towels. You may think that is odd but I was superhappy about them ^^ It is kind of a tradition that a woman buys towels, bed linen, crockery / china etc so she won't need to buy so much when she moves. Yeah, that is very considerate of her and Iam happy about it ^^

This is the gift I received from Nessi (who recently added me on MSN, Thank you so much for that too <3) :

Nessi's gift

Yeah, on to things that worry me more.

I become really depressed when I think about the apprenticeship I yet have to get. I still haven't received any answer from the people of the hospital yet and it starts to make me sick. Not only do I wait for 4 weeks now but Iam also so afraid of being refused by them ;_; I expect them t refuse me but I secretly hope they don't. I want this apprenticeship as a children's nurse so badly. I also don't want to search any more. I couldn't even send away any more applications because the printer doesn't work and my mother wants to blame me for that the following: 'If you would have wanted to send away your applications any time earlier, we would have noticed earlier about this problem too.' I accept the time problem but the situation wouldn't have been different two weeks earlier ._. Iam sick of being scolded by my mother. She talks as if I do that on purpose even though I know the consequences. It is not like I look forward to be scolded by her. I just want this apprenticeship so this matter would disappear already. I want to become a nurse. I want this apprenticeship so I can buy gifts to my sister and my parents from the money. I want this apprenticeship so I can save up the money... 

Please let me be lucky...

Well, then that was it for this time ^^; Excuse my bad English. Until next time!

Hello ^^

It is quite a long time ago I last updated my blog ^^ I have been feeling better since the last time, I didn't need to take the medicine any more which excludes my allergy medicine though. I guess it has been going better ever since I last posted. ^^

Well, on Monday, 24th of July, I had my appointment at the University Clinic to become a nurse. The day before, it already drove me crazy. I was restless and imagined what would await me. At night I didn't sleep and I had to get up so early ^^;

I left two hours before the actual appointment. My father put his Pre-paid card into my mobile phone so I could get the ticket for the streectcar by text message. However, the number wouldn't work so I was without ticket. To find the way my mother printed out a map for me but I went into the wrong direction and was unable to read the map properly. I had to ask for the way a few times and it was rather hard to find. It didn't even look like the place I imagined I had to go to. There were a lot of flats above the actual teaching room. If I was to become a nurse I could choose whether to live there or not.

When I finally arrived at the place I started talking to a girl right away which apparently had to go to the same appointment as me. I expected the worst, for example an assessment center (An appointment where all applicators meet and have to introduce themselves to the group and do tasks like discussions etc). Including me and the girl I started talking to, there arrived 5 people for the appointment at 9 ó clock. I can't describe how it went. I had an older woman who probably was more nervous than all of us. She asked usual questions and uhuh..I don't think I gave appropriate answers. The other girls had a man. After I was finished I waited with the other girls until it was their turn.

 I have a bad feeling. I guess I won't get this apprenticeship ^^; To be honest, at such occasions, Iam more scared of my answers than the questions they are going to ask me xp;

On Friday I finally went to the city with Anna and my youngest sister Lisa. It was the first time we took Lisa with us but I thought she wanted to do something 'special' during her summer vacations and because she loved animals so much she would find the right things in a bookstore. (Going to the city at all is a rare and special occasion for me already ^^; ). So we went there without tickets (apparently people who check these seem to be rare on streetcars) and went to the bookstore to look for mangas mainly. Our sister started to complain already as we looked for some mangas to buy so we went where she wanted to go. So we walked around for her and only got little time to look for our stuff. We went to the clothing store for me so I could finally get rid of my voucher but it was so crowded and when I went loking for bra's the long queue for trying on made me feel horrible. I also felt weird already and saw black within. 

When we went home Anna had one manga book of Peacemaker Kurogane, Lisa bought herself sweets anda book about animals . I bought the first Volume of Shinshi Doumei Cross by Arina Tanemura and a cooking book named 'I'll help you cooking' . Iam really happy I bought this book o^-^o

However, I don't know why this shopping trip was so horrible. Anna and me felt horrible all that time and my mother said I looked like dead. It could have been the weather, my little sister or something else *shrugs* Oh well ^^; I hope I wasn't complaining too much ^^;

That is it for now! Until next time!

Hello again!

I actually found the will to update again ^^; Iam sorry!

Well, I haven't been fine the recent days. I don't know for how long it has been that way but I had stomach problems. I felt sick and especially in the morning I felt like my stomach was turning inside out. On Sunday I had the same problem again but when I ate something later I suddenly felt so very sick. I felt that if I moved, I coudn't hold it in any longer. I couldn't breathe without feeling the pressure on my stomach and feeling like throwing up so I sat down in the bathroom and waited until it either was over or I would throw up. My sister came in later and told my mother about it and in the end I threw up. It was weird because that hasn't happened to me in years. My mother gave me money and told me to see the doctor the next day.

So I got up early and went to see the doctor. I first told him about my allergy and all he did was giving me medicine. Then I told him about my stomach sickness and he also just gave me medicine for it. Nothing! No checking what I had so I still don't know anything and my stomach being this sick makes me worry ^^; It is not normal! And I have such a problem with medicine. I hardly use any of it and that is a fact ;_; I don't know when it is the right time to take something without  it being unnecessary ^^;

And I refused to take any medicine so I could finally donate blood which I delayed quite often already because I took medicine or was ill ^^; So I still had that stomach problem and took the medicine to not have problems for some time and..when it was too late I noticed that I couldn't donate blood any more. First of all, I probably was ill and they don't allow ill people to donate blood. Secondly, they don't allow people to donate blood who have taken medicine (goes for me too) and thirdly I got to know by my mother that people with bad allergic reactions shouldn't go there either.

No more blood donating for a long time T-T

Iam sorry if I complain too much ^^;

Iam worried about Yuffie too. She hasn't been online in so long ._. I hope she is fine!

Well, that was it for today ^^;

See you next time!